The emotional effects of grief.
When we experience grief, we can feel the effects on an emotional level as well as physically.
As I experience the loss of a loved one for a second time in a year, I am drawn to reflect on the effects grief can play on our bodies through an emotional, physical and spiritual level. Of course, we share emotions for the loss of our loved one, this is most likely through shedding tears, but it may also be by introversion from social gatherings, disconnection to purpose of life and possible grief of loss of the friendship you shared.
If you are fortunate to support friends before they pass, our grief can begin earlier than the day they have passed. Grief follows a cycle and during this time, emotions can play a greater part in your day. The initial diagnose can be shocking, there may be an element of denial and anger as to why our friends are in this situation. Often we may be experiencing the Freeze, Flight, Fight and Submit response to our day. They are all stages of reaction that our subconscious display. We may feel separated or withdrawn from friends and family, as we navigate feelings and develop understanding of the situation we are experiencing.
During the time, when we adapt to the reality of our loved one leaving, we may find ourselves in a ‘blame game’ scenario. Depending on the diagnoses; skepticism, suspicion, defensiveness and bitterness could become outward responses to everyday activities. In our conversations we have or the mental dialogue we play, it’s important to try to acknowledge the language we are using to help recognise our true feelings. We may feel a level of guilt which we direct towards ourselves. But we also me recognise and fear the loss which is to come. If our loved one suffers, we may show a fear towards the pain they may encounter, we become scared or nervous of the process they may encounter and for future without them in it, and we may feel dread or become petrified of the loss we are encountering.
When our loved one has passed, the yearning of them can be physical. We may feel pain through our body which can show in many different ways. We can feel stiffness in joints or soreness in our limbs which can also include headaches. We may feel grief stricken and inconsolable, abandoned and lonely. We may feel emptiness and despair. Where possible sit with it. Know that your reaction is your reaction. Everyone’s body reacts in a different way. The most confirming acknowledgement for me was in the recognition of the feelings I was experiencing. My reactions which were different to anything I have felt before, reminded me that I was going through this unknown process and that it was natural and normal to react differently.
When we start the recovery process we find a level of acceptance. We surrender to our feelings and recognise the change in our situation. We become forgiving towards ourselves and feel a sense of peace. We do have to readjust our lives when someone significant is no longer a part of it, but we are able to do that in a calm manner. We wont forget our loved one, but life does continue, and with time we are able to find a healthy way to do so while still honoring our loved one in our life.
** When experiencing grief, please seek support and guidance, if required. Talking with friends or experts can ensure you are guided and supported as you navigate the changes that will occur.
Bron Gowty is an end of life guide, kinesiologist and pastoral & spiritual carer.