I'm not good enough - the internal dialogue of a 12 year old girl.
Our internal thoughts play a large part in our relationships with ourselves and others.
How can we support our children to develop a positive self-belief?
First, we have to recognise it.
12-year old Jane walked into the clinic displaying low self-esteem and stating she constantly felt unsettled at school. She described her mind as never stopping, always working, busily moving through each day. Having recently been diagnosed with anxiety, there were frequent tantrums and sadness at home, which disrupted the flow and harmony of the entire household. She felt her energy levels rise and fall throughout the day for no apparent reason. She described that she was confused and unable to make decisions both personally and in social situations.
Jane is in Year 6 and is a very friendly, sociable child. She is academically able and is very active in School life. She loves playing all sports and has a large circle of friends. Until recently, Jane loved going to school, eagerly getting herself up and ready for the day ahead. So why the change? Why was going to school such a challenge for her now? For many 12-year-old girls, this can be a common stress for them. While completing their final year of primary education, most likely beginning puberty, and preparing for the unknown changes that comes from entering secondary school, children seem to require support to manage the daily grind. Girls in particular seem to carry such great expectations of themselves and tend to be unmerciful towards their beliefs and actions. Until this stage it has most likely gone unnoticed, but it does seem to become heightened during puberty.
Jane came to see me, as a kinesiologist, following many sessions with a counsellor that yielded slow progress. Her parents actually reported her stress seemed to have increased in recent times. For parents who have tried so many different treatments, the possibility that their child is ‘not getting better’ can be a daunting outcome. Many parents are exhausted by continually looking for the help required while emotionally struggling to see their child suffer. I have seen many parents, who see kinesiology as the last resort, and often are in a state of anxiety and helplessness themselves. They need support as well as the children.
Initially, Jane wanted to feel calm at school. She wanted to be happy going to school, and enjoy time with her friends. It became clear, as our first session developed, that Jane didn’t believe in herself. Her self-doubt hindered her confidence and restricted her ability in social interactions. She was stressing about potential situations she may face and could feel this building up over time.
As time progressed, my sessions with Jane worked towards reducing her stress towards feeling powerless and empty in social settings. We increased her confidence and happiness towards herself. She was more assured in her self-belief, which resulted from creating statements such as ‘I am now able to do it’ and ‘I believe in myself’.
Various techniques have assisted to reduce her stress each session. We have reassessed her overall wellbeing at each follow-up session, with subsequent sessions bringing increased awareness, allowing her to verbalise what she was feeling and connecting with the effect it has on her body. She was surprised by relationships between the emotions we found and her actions and feelings at the time, and appreciated the confirmation that kinesiology was able to provide.
Jane now heads to school each day with a smile on her face and an increased belief in herself and all that she is capable of achieving.
Bron Gowty is an end of life guide, kinesiologist and pastoral & spiritual carer.