A process of love and acceptance during a time of loss.
Supporting grief and loss during COVID 19
What is the difference between grief and loss?
Can you grieve without losing something?
Can you lose something without grieving for it?
Oates (1997) stated ‘the process of moving through grief is the acknowledgment of a loss which can result from a separation, transition or change in circumstances.’ Most reference material talk about the grief which results from the death of a loved one. I am interested in focusing on loss, not only associated with death. Due to COVID 19, many people are experiencing loss in their daily life. This was highlighted to me in a conversation I recently had with a friend and school Chaplain Rev. Philippa. Rev. Philippa shared the focus of her work currently to be supporting students who are feeling a great sense of loss due to the circumstances of the time. Their sense of loss towards the rites of passage that are no longer occurring at school has affected them. The graduation ceremonies, school camps and the significant 13th birthday celebration, are sorely missed by children and have evoked emotional responses of loss for many.
Grief which results from loss, relates to a change in a persons’ circumstance. Kelley (2010) identifies six types of loss which may trigger grief: material, role, relationship, systemic, functional and intrapsychic loss. ‘Any singular experience of loss from any of these groups, could provoke a process of grief.’ Rev. Philippa offer support and understanding for the relational loss the students are feeling between each other, the systemic loss from the rites of passage they won’t partake in and the intrapsycic loss of identity and self-belief they feel at the moment. She is offering support to the students by creating a sense of hope so they can move through this time with grace and ease.
Grief as a result of a loss, can cause normal and often powerful, emotional responses to the change that has occured. MacKinley (2012) defines grief as ‘the process of adjusting to the loss’. The adjustment offers a process to adapt to the new ‘normal’ as the event has changed our lives. Taking the time to adjust can be felt physically, through social interactions or emotional responses, which can also be unpredictable. Kelley (2010) talks about the fact that ‘we pay more attention to some losses than to others. And some losses never make it onto our radar screen at all.’
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (Kessler 2019) identified five stages of grief an individual moves through. The common stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance were acknowledged, though noted to not occur in any particular order or time sequence. Kessler (2019) added to these stages with a sixth stage that encourages the process of finding meaning to occur. This allows for the transformation of grief into something ‘rich and fulfilling.’ ‘Meaning helps us make sense of the grief offering a path forward’ out of the grief.
References:
Kessler, David. 2019. Finding Meaning. The Sixth Stage of Grief. London: Penguin Randon House.
MacKinley, Elizabeth. 2012. Palliative Care, Ageing and Spirituality : A Guide for Older People, Carers and Families. London: JESSICA KINGSLEY PUBLISHERS.
Oates, Wayne. 1997. Grief, Transition and Loss: A Pastor's Practical Guide. Philadelphia: Fortress Press.
Written by Bron Gowty
For more information about grief and loss, rituals and support send Bron an email.
Bron Gowty is an end of life guide, kinesiologist and pastoral & spiritual carer.